No Sesquipedalphobia Here!

Archie's best friend, Garbanzo, arrived early for the Saturday morning brunch and bible study. "The funniest thing happened to me", he said. "Someone has asked me to put together a team for an adult spelling bee."

Ruby felt the verbophile within her jump to the surface. "Reeaally?", she said, being careful not to let her excitement reveal itself. "An adult spelling bee . . . " She was trembling inside and hoping no one noticed.

"Yeah!" Garbanzo continued. "Then I remembered that my best friend is a grammar nazi (referring to Archie), and that his wife and brother-in-law are both word-nerds (referring to Ruby and Mungo). Ruby took this as a compliment and it was all she could do to maintain her excitement. Thus, the team "Garbanzo's Gang" was formed.

That same week, during a lunch with her girlfriends, Daisy Speckletrout announced that she would be on an opposing team. "We are going to wup your butts!" she crowed. Ruby only smiled when she heard this. Daisy was not aware of the sleeping monster that she had aroused by her remarks. Ruby was now in it for blood.

There was a month and a half to prepare. Ruby began to practice. She prepared lists of words that she could not spell and practiced them. She learned some little memory tricks to help her.. A-C-C-O-M-M-O-D-A-T-E (it is big enough to accommodate two Cs two O's and two M's). D-I-E-F-E-N-B-A-C-H-I-A (remember, they die easily). She saw her weaknesses. E-M-B-A-R-R-A-S-S, H-A-R-A-S-S (why are there two R's in one and only one R in the other?). Ruby was getting obsessed.


"Exactly how many spelling sites did you go to on your computer today?", asked Archie. Ruby was embarrassed that she could not remember. It was at this point that Ruby decided to give up her blood quest and just do it for fun. She said it plainly to Daisy when she dropped by one evening before the contest. "I am no more than an average speller, and you are right, you will probably win!"

Finally, the big night came. "Garbanzo's Gang" arrived at the pub an hour before the event began. They were assigned their cue and were each given a big letter "S" to wear. "They're making S's of us!" quipped Archie. The letter signified the alphabetic order in which they would appear on stage. When it was their turn they sauntered on, attempting to appear foreboding to the other teams.

The words began. "Ticket", said the lady who gave them the words. She then defined it and used it in a sentence. "This is way too simple" Ruby whispered to her teammates as she quickly wrote the word down on her slate. "Plumber" said the lady. "I can't believe how easy this is." thought Ruby. "Gastroesophageal" said the lady. This was where Ruby's medical scribe experience was tapped, and she wrote the word down immediately. "Dieffenbachia. . . " Ha!" she thought, this was one I practiced." "Echidna" said the lady. "What?!", said the team. This was a word they had never heard before. "Echidna" the lady repeated. Ruby scratched out A-k-i-d-n-a on her slate. The team lost the first of their two balloons, representing chances to win. They all knew it was not going to get any easier. The lady read the next word.. "bouillabaise" and Gabanzo's Gang was finished off. They sat down, licked their wounds and took comfort that they lasted the longest of the teams without pre-purchased extra chances called "mulligans".

Daisy's team "Wee Wun" was the in the next round. They too were without mulligans, and their spelling ability was equal to that of Garbanzo's Gang. "Carcajou" was the bullet that slayed them.

It was now the final round. Everybody on Ruby and Arhcie's team had left. However, Ruby had been stung by the spelling bee. Although Archie wanted to leave as well, Ruby persuaded him to stay until the bitter end. "Why are you writing everything down?" Archie asked. Ruby grinned slyly and replied, "I'm practicing for next year!"